exhausted from re-writes and beaurocracy
this month has been paper work, and the long slog through paragraph after paragraph of my first post-break story.
The process for this one is not quite so much like pulling teeth as others, for which I am greatful, but I am also suspicious, if this is a slog for me will it not be a slog for the reader? How much should I care for this reader anyway?
Have been running up against someone for whom I have a great dislike. I dislike people who do not question, or do not leave a margin for error in their own selves. Of course, this needs to end at a point or we have no defined self at all, which is a difficult state to maintain in the day to day reality of school work. There are things about my own perspectives I'm sure I also need to question, I stand on too firm ground on certain issues as well, but from some people I feel this resistence to relinquish any of their beliefs.
On another note: jealousy. It haunted me as a child and haunts me still, and is a waste of time and is not me and is not what I want to be but there is the constant tug of it in the places you would want to least expect but that you probably do expect the most.
I love Three Colours: Red. I wish that was my story that I had invented.
Rewriting over and over and over again my play. Samantha and Lillian, my two characters, have completely come to life on this one. I talk to my director and it is as though these are honestly real human beings that we are soon to meet. This has never happened quite this way that anyone I have written has felt so sensational.
I feel my hold on school is dwindling, not sure how much I can keep up on the academic side of all things, but I need this, desperately, to just hold on and keep interest until April.