What's happened since my last update? I've eaten a lot of food. I really need to start running again, and maybe go raw for a while. It's amazing how much more energy I have, and how much better I feel, when I eat raw. Been drinking too much with the creative writing folk lately. Been trying to recover from getting really ill after school. Mi esposo is coming in TWO WEEKS to help me pack up and LEAVE VAN. This is huge, this transition is so gargantuan.
What else? On earth day I got a candlelit tai chi session at eleven pm in our yard by my amazing goddess neighbour who lives below. It was awesome, she and her girlfriend lit a bunch of candles outside and turned all the lights off in their apartment, and they were playing a CD of the Dali Lama chanting. Tai chi is definitely something I think I'll take up once I get to LA, I think I'll need it. Also, stopped brushing my hair and wore the same shirt five days in a row. I think I've "let myself go". But I had to. Figure out how to make me-friendly (read caffeine free and dairy free) chai tea, from scratch, meaning in a pot on my very own stove. Secret ingredient: lotsa peppa. Black peppa.
Fighting my way through a re-write, spent two hours on the first couple of paragraphs of this one story that I am DETERMINED to keep working on. But they all say it, and by all I mean Joan Didion, who is the master, says it: beginnings are the toughest part. She said she used to sit in a room literally papered with false starts and convince herself she'd just had a seisure and gone aphasic. So I don't feel so bad, just still frustrated. Also, Kevin Chong told my yfriends and I that reading your own writing is like listening to your own voice played back on a tape recorder: it all sounds kind of deranged and not-quite-right.
Since the writing classes have ended I've had two workshops with my good friend, K. We drank a lot at both. Her story is marvelous. She's much bolder than I, and I think much truer. Really it's all about the truth, and I think she knows what that is for her, though she thinks she doesn't.
Immigration is on the horizon. And a baby! our good friends in LA are totally having a baby, she's six weeks pregnant and her due date is Christmas day. I'm so excited there's going to be a small being around to play with. It seems this is a pattern, when S moves and I follow him someone gets knocked up and gives birth. This will be my third new life brought forth by a powerful woman associated with S.
I think I'll run tomorrow, or do yoga, or both. I want to get one of those running magazines that tells you about how to train effectively, I would love to be able to run far and long, like a real cave person. I am so inarticulate and tired. I have Ativan, and I will be taking some and going to bed.